This week I had a Drs appointment with my normal family doctor. I see him mainly for my pain medication. After a lot of  grief last year I have found this is the most non confusing and easy route in which to manage my pain. For this blog’s purpose we will call my family doctor, Dr. Ken. I have been going to Dr. Ken for my Norco (this is just like a lortab except with less actaminophen) for a good 5 or 6 months now. Last month he recently upped my number of pills I would be receiving. We are still trying to figure out the best dose to give me the most relief without being too much. The thought of Dr. Ken is that I will be on pain medication for the rest of my life, and at the age of 27, we want to keep the lowest dose for the longest time possible, so that as I get older we don’t run out of options. I agree completely with him on this, and he has been excellent at working with me to perfect my pain relief for me. Some doctors get caught up thinking every person that has chronic pain is a drug addict. Needing  pain pills for legitimate conditions, and using them responsibly, VS a drug addict are completely different things. There are safeguards that Doctors these days are forced to implement to make sure someone is not just going to see them for drugs, and I am okay with complying with all of those. For instance, I can only get my prescription at one pharmacy. This helps pharmacists and my doctor track my fillings easier. Also I have agreed to a urine drug test at any time. I have not had to do this with Dr. Ken yet but, will have no problem with it if it ever comes up.

Back to this week’s appointment……. I had just received the final word from the neurosurgeon I was asked to see that there is nothing more surgically that needs to be done. All my symptoms are from my spinal cord getting damaged before surgery. So along with talking to Dr. Ken about my pain relief I wanted to ask him “Where do we go from here?”  Currently I have no plan of  action to treat my Chiari symptoms. My current neurologist, Dr. Watkins, and his PA Jerry, have been taking great care of me but they don’t know what else to do for me and are stuck seeing me every 6 months or so. I started out telling Dr. Ken that I understand this is a life long thing but what can we do to manage some of the other things besides pain. For example my numbness on the left side that comes and shuts down my whole body anytime I do anything physical. I asked him is there a neurologist or any type of Doctor in Utah that specialises in Chiari. His response was a slap in the face.

“Well um in my professional opinion and well its my personal opinion too… we need to take care of your body in general. Like eat better have better posture and you really need to get rid of that extra weight you are carrying around” Says Dr. Ken. Now I am the first to admit that I have gained some weight over the years. I used to be a size 2 and now I am currently a size 10. I’ve had 2 babies and when my horrible symptoms started I was in the process of losing the rest of my baby weight from when I was pregnant with Peyton. But here is the thing, I’m not fat. I may be a tad overweight but my body looks healthy and I have never once in my life felt winded or anything like im out of shape. Now just in case Dr.Ken didnt hear me the first time, or just can’t remember anything about his patients condition, I reiterated that I can not do anything physical. I would love to exercise, and have a tone body like I used to but the thing is I can’t. I gave him some examples of things that trigger my migraines or shut down my body: Laundy, walking more than a half a block these days, standing, and even some of the physical therapy they have me do (and that is just neck stretches). His response was “What if you could get back to that weight you used to be, how would that make you feel? What would it do for you?” Of course it would make me feel great. I would love to look in the mirror and be slimmer. Uh but my problem is I can’t get past the pain and numbness I tell him. He takes the “Ya know all your friends up at the U, ya know the football players sometimes they have to push through some nasty stuff to get stronger and better. If they can do it you can” route. At that point he had made me feel so bad about myself that I was done arguing, so I told him sure I would try to do some in water exercises see if those work and of course I can watch what I eat.

I don’t know which I was more offended at, the fact that he was calling me fat when at worst I am 20 or so pounds overweight, or that he wasnt listening to me. I have a real issue with doctors not listening. There is a reason the State of Utah had deemed me disabled. Cause I can’t do anything physical. And I am a bit bitter over not being able to exercise. I know it’s not right, but I’m just being honest here. Everytime I see a mom walking their kid to school, and I am stuck driving mine, I feel like running them down with my Jeep. How dare they exercise right in front of me? Dont they know they are just rubbing it in? I would love take a bike ride, or jog, or like all everyone else in our neighborhood, take family walks.  I sit in my Jeep secretly wishing they all would sprain an ankle, or fall off that bike right on their stupid happy active faces. Like I said it’s not right but its true.